


Voicemail>you

by pseudofoucault333



Series: The Ole Bandom fics :) [2]
Category: Bandom, Panic At The Disco
Genre: Break Up, Established Relationship, Implied Drug Use, Incriminating Photos, Los Angeles, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, POV First Person, POV Male Character, Pete Wentz looks like a god, Relationship Advice, Relationship Issues, Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-07
Updated: 2012-07-07
Packaged: 2017-11-09 08:49:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/453628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudofoucault333/pseuds/pseudofoucault333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon has been talking to Spencer about a band split since Ryan and Jon became secretive and yet the only thing that is keeping him from doing so prematurely is Ryan. But when he gets a certain picture emailed to him featuring Ryan, a lot of cocaine and some strange girls while in LA with Spencer his heart can’t take it anymore. So he does something he should have done for a long time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Voicemail>you

**Author's Note:**

> To mark the anniversary of the Splits-iversary of Panic! At the Disco I thought it seemed like a right time to post this here. I love each member of this band and the songs/bandom that helped inspire me when I really needed it. Their musical tastes may have differed and led to an end but for me will always be Panic! At The Disco <3

**Title:** Voicemail >you [s/a]  
 **Author:** **lovin_torture**  
 **Rating:** R -NC17  
 **Pairing:** broken!Ryden  
 **POV:** Brendon  
 **Summary:** Brendon has been talking to Spencer about a band split since Ryan and Jon became secretive and yet the only thing that is keeping him for doing prematurely is Ryan. But when he gets a certain picture emailed to him featuring Ryan, alot of cocaine and some strange girls while in LA with Spencer his heart can’t take it anymore. So he does something he should have done for a long time.  
 **Disclaimer:** cut © White lies , Plot mostly based on fiction…i.e not real….but a girl can wish <3  
 **Author Notes:** Ok so basically this is reflecting the slight loss of the first bandom I got into and my lack of postage. The events are kind of based around the second Bronx lullaby, the open happiness vid and then the split in two. Based around [this](http://pics.livejournal.com/livin_dead69/pic/0003ebzf) picture prompt from Postsecret. Major thankies to **srchxandxdstry** for the Beta Job :D xo

 

It had been in the back of my mind for a while and yet I hadn’t even realized it until me and Spencer were sitting outside the recording studio on a break from recording the third album. It had steadily become obvious that Ryan and Jon were becoming closer; they were always whispering in corners about things and hiding pieces of paper when we were around like they didn’t want us to see them. It was getting unsettling, and when me and Ryan were together in his room - aside from fucking - we didn’t do much else, which had me questioning how the hell I could explain to him that I love him and want so much more than what is happening between us. Thing is, where me and Ryan are concerned, it’s never possible to have more. He has a girlfriend to have more with and me…well, I’m just the gay fuck when he’s away from her.

That was all I could think about as I sat on the back steps, staring out over the valley with a bottle of beer in my hand.

I heard Spencer coming from behind but didn’t even register it was him until he spoke.

“They’re at it again.” 

I took a glance at him over my shoulder and gave a weak smile as he sat beside me, downing a mouthful of his own beer like it would help clear his mind about how we got into this whole situation without even realizing it.

“Another secretive chat in the kitchen?” I sighed, biting at my lower lip in the hopes it would stop the knowledge from hurting. Hell - I knew Ryan wasn’t fucking Jon, but the thought of him writing lyrics for a secret project we didn’t even know about hurt just as much.

“Yep, and I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach about it,” Spencer said, setting his bottle down beside his foot and looking at me.

“You aren’t the only one; problem is, if they won’t tell us then how can we know how bad it’s going to be?”

“We could always make up a back up plan…in case something happens,” he suggested, hanging his hands between his legs, his elbows rested on his knees.

“Like what? Come up with our own lyrics and plans for alternative members? Spencer, you know as well as I do that Ryan is the brains behind the lyrics.”

“True….but I’m sure if we asked some of the others under the label they’d help us out. Bill, Gabe and Patrick would probably help us out. They’d also help us find alternative members or even talk to some of the others on the label willing to help us out,” he said.

“Yeah…ok. But this is only a plan B. We don’t act until they do.” 

He nodded in agreement and opened his mouth like he wanted to go into more detail but his gaze was over our shoulders, and that was when I saw Jon in the doorway with the phone in his hand.

“Bren? It’s Pete. He wants to talk to you about some last minute trip to LA,” he said softly in a way that told me he’d just heard what I’d said. 

I bit my lip as I put my beer down and reached for the phone over Spencer’s head. Jon seemed hesitant about handing it over but did so before retreating back inside with Spencer on his heels.

“Hey, Pete, how’s it going?” I asked, raking my fingers through my hair.

“Pretty good, Brenny boy - just wanted to know if there was any chance of you coming to LA for the video shoot for Open Happiness?” he asked, hushing someone in the background - probably Bronx.

“Er, probably, though would it be ok if I brought Spencer along? We kinda have some things we wanna talk to you about,” I said, taking a glance over my shoulder to make sure Ryan wasn’t lurking behind me.

“That should be cool, I’ll ask the missus if it’s ok for you two to crash here. I’m sure it’ll be fine. You want to book the flights or would you prefer I do the honors?” he asked. I could hear him pulling a laptop towards him and I paused a moment to think.

“Could you do it? Email me the details and we’ll see you soon.”

“Sure no problem. See you soon in the city of Angels.”

“Later.”

I hung up and picked up my beer as I got to my feet, reentering the house. Ryan and Jon were back in their corner and from the sounds of Spencer’s grunts and cursing, he was hooked on that Xbox game again. I put the phone back in its cradle before passing the two backstabbers, into the room me and Ryan had been sharing for the past few months – well, when we were around long enough to share a room.

I grabbed my suitcase from the corner of the room where it had taken up permanent residency and began to shove all my things inside it. I heard my blackberry buzz from where it was sitting on the dresser on my side of the bed, but not before I felt a pair of arms wrapping around my waist.

“What did Pete want?” Ryan murmured in my ear as I licked my lips, reminding myself of one of the few reasons I was getting away. I couldn’t put up with this deceit anymore, and if he wasn’t going to be honest to me then maybe it was time we called it quits.

“For me to go to LA to be in the Open Happiness vid, but I’m dragging Spencer along,” I said quietly, prying his arms away and picking up some of my shoes from his side of the bed to shove in the case.

“What? But you two can’t leave us in the lurch like this! We have five more tracks to do!” he said, standing with one hand on his hip while his other grabbed mine around the wrist.

“I need to be there, Ryan. I may have only been a back up singer but they still want me in it - I can’t turn Pete down,” I snapped in reply, shaking his hand off and sliding past him to grab clothes from the pile in the corner.

“Oh, so now your priorities become clear!”

“Don’t you dare use that guilt trip on me Ryan! I’ve had to put up with you and Jon plotting god-knows-what for days without so much as a word to Spencer or me. Well maybe this time away will be good for us. Will make _us_ realize where our priorities lie. Not to mention where we stand.” I snapped, grabbing my sidekick and closing the suitcase. I pushed it onto the floor and began to push everything else into my other bag.

“Where we stand? You know where we stand!” he said, a look of confusion on his face.

“Oh, right; I’m just the fuck toy for when you can’t have your beloved around. Yeah, like I really like that being the way our relationship is, Ryan! Do you honestly think I can stand being that when I want something so much more than you refuse to give me!” I cursed, resisting the urge to throw something at him to make my point.

“You know that that could never happen from the first time we got together, Brendon. If you had wanted more, you should have told me to begin with!” he hissed irritably, and I could feel him watching me from the other side of the bed as I sorted through the pile of clothes, which had some of his stuff as well as mine.

“You would have kicked me out your bed like that if I had,” I said, clicking my fingers to emphasise my point. His gaze immediately moved to the floor, like there was some truth to my words. I should have guessed.

“I’m glad I’m getting away from here, because I honestly don’t think I could bare looking at you for three more months after that revelation,” I said, shoving my last few things into my other bag.

I grabbed all my luggage and threw them out into the hallway, only looking back at Ryan when he grabbed my hand by the wrist.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean.”

“You aren’t manipulating me anymore, Ryan - you don’t want me for the long haul,” I started to say, though his lips collided with mine to get me to stop talking; like he was trying to let our bodies do the talking because their language was so much simpler. But this time I wasn’t buying it. I shoved him away with a firm hand on the chest and grabbed the last thing I needed before slamming the door closed to the room behind me. 

I sighed as I dragged my luggage into the lounge, setting them by the door before throwing myself on the couch and staring at the ceiling. I hated being lied to more than anything…but being led on, well, that was twice as worse. How could I have fallen for such an asshole? That was the last thought in my mind as my eyes closed and I curled up on the couch for a none-too-comfortable sleep. 

The next morning it took me a while to remember why I was on the couch, why my sidekick was buzzing beside my head and why my bags were packed beside me. It all came flooding back to me in the blink of an eye: the phone call from Pete, the bitter words with Ryan and the fact I had a plane to catch and Spencer to wake. I groaned as my back clicked in protest when I got up and ran my fingers through my hair as I walked stiffly into Spencer’s room. He was already awake, sitting up and pulling a shirt over his head.

“Ah, you’re up. I thought I’d have to throw a bucket of water over you,” he said, grinning, as he pushed his feet into his shoes and got up.

“That would be welcome right now. Did either of us book a cab?” I yawned, leaning against the doorframe.

“I think Pete booked one around the time he booked the plane. It should be here soon,” he sighed, squinting at the screen of his blackberry at the time when it lit up.

“He thinks of everything,” I murmured, as he shoved his phone into the pocket of his jeans and pulled a hoodie on.

I went to check I’d packed everything while he pulled his luggage out to join mine. A car horn sounded outside as I was hovering at Ryan’s doorway, torn between waking him to apologize and leaving without saying a word. I hated leaving him with things as bad as they were between us but Spencer was whistling to get my attention. I bit my lip and reluctantly turned my back on him - maybe if I’d known what was going to happen, I would have made the effort.

I dragged my bags outside and let the driver put them in the back with Spencer’s while I got in. We were halfway to the airport before Spencer spoke and part of me had known it would come up eventually.

“So… what was all the yelling about with you and Ryan last night?” he asked casually while the buttons of his blackberry clicked away.

“Just some long overdue issues; him thinking me selfish for dragging you away when we have five more tracks to record. The usual,” I sighed, staring at the ceiling of the cab.

“Hey, you would have told Pete if you’d known.”

“Exactly. But with things being so suffocating at the moment, maybe we just need the break to sort out where we stand.”

“Oh dear.”

“You don’t know the half of it. Maybe a few days will make everything better,” I said with a weak smile, though something in my gut had screamed otherwise.

It was good to hang around with Pete, and I was really thankful that Ashlee had agreed to let us stay. I’d maxed out my credit cards with my last trip to New York and already had my accountant ready to rip his hair out. I got to stay up with Pete and Bronx during their insomnia patches and it made me realize how good I was with kids. On one of those particular nights, I sat with Pete on the balcony and Rigby in my lap. It felt like a good time to tell him about mine and Spencer’s suspicion. He listened and hushed Bronx when he started to get cranky. From the lack of surprise on his face I knew Ryan had already been talking to him.

“You knew, didn’t you?” I asked softly, putting Rigby down and getting to my feet.

“Sorry Bren. It isn’t as bad as you think,” he said, hugging Bronx to his hip as he got up, standing beside me.

“The band is breaking in two! How is it not that bad?” I asked, clenching my fists around the edge of the balcony railing.

“Because I know music is in your blood Brendon, as much as it is in his. You have the voice for it and I know if you continue on without him and Jon, you’d still have an entire fan base following you,” he assured me.

“But how can I? How could he do this to me?” I cursed loudly, giving him an apologetic look when Bronx began to sniffle at my tone.

“Look, you have to ask yourself two things, Bren. Do you want to stay in the music business? And how much do you really mean to him?” he said, squeezing my shoulder with his free hand. “Think it over while you’re here, ok? Talk it over with Spencer and let me know.”

I nodded and gave him a weak smile before he went inside to try and coax Bronx to sleep a few hours.

I sighed as thoughts raced through my mind, and I knew deep inside that what Pete had said was the truth. Yet my heart ached at the prospect of letting go of him - both professionally and personally. My common sense screamed - I couldn’t be his worthless fuck anymore. It was with that finality that I walked back inside and settled down on the couch for a few hours’ sleep.

~~~~

I woke a few hours later to be dragged on the set for the video. Patrick and Travis both greeted me like a brother, and it was such a relief to talk to them. Neither of them had known about Ryan’s plan and were surprised when I told them, but they - like Pete - were pretty positive that even without Ryan, me and Spencer could still go far. After I’d done my parts on the video, I went with Spencer to the valley and we talked about what to do now.

“Well, after the album I think it’s a no brainer,” Spencer shrugged, sipping his latte as we sat outside the Starbucks on Hollywood boulevard.

“But without Ryan’s lyrics….” I protested as I stirred sugar into my own coffee.

“Hey, you’re just as good at writing lyrics as he is - the interludes for ‘Pretty. Odd’ are more than enough proof. They may be a different style to his, but they’re just as creative and high in quality,” he assured me.

I nodded silently and bit my lip as I heard the ping from my sidekick. Probably Pete wanting to know where we were. I slid it out of my pocket and leaned back in my seat as I opened the message. It was from Ryan, and the bad feeling which had been growing in my stomach since we left him and Jon in Vegas was back in full force.

It read,  
 _Hope you’re having a good time in LA Bren. Just wondering if you could record a song’s lyrics while away? Just a demo for me and Jon to work on the bass and guitar melodies while you and Spencer are here. Basic rifts are attached. Missing you loads babe.  
Xo_

The only attachment I saw was a .jpg which made me want to close the message without opening it but my curiosity got the better of me. Yet as soon as it opened it felt like I was punched in the gut. Spencer could probably register the pain on my features as he slid the phone from my fingers to see the damage. But it made no difference; the image was still burned before my eyes to the point where I just wanted to cry.

It showed Ryan with girls either side and cocaine cut in lines on a plate on the coffee table before them, as well as several bottles of liquor.

“Oh god, that PRICK!” Spencer hissed under his breath, clicking it closed and pushing the phone back into my fingers. It was then that he looked at me and that I felt the tears falling.

“Oh Bren,” he whispered, leaning across the table and pulling me into a hug. I don’t remember how we got back to Pete’s, but I was laid on the couch with Bronx rested on my chest.

“How are you feeling, Bren?” Pete asked from where he was sat cross-legged on the floor.

“I’ve definitely been better,” I sighed, pressing a kiss to Bronx’s head, watching him murmur in his sleep.

“Spencer told me what he did….he’s obviously not worth the tears if he’s done something that stupid,” Pete said reassuringly, the clicking of keys telling me he was probably lurking in cyber space or talking to someone.

“Why are you always right?” I murmured, sitting up a little straighter and supporting Bronx so he didn’t get woke up.

“Age gaps seem to bring the wisdom, what can I say?” he grinned as he looked at me over his shoulder.

I gave him a small smile in response and stared at the ceiling to try and get my thoughts straight.

“At least you know what you have to do now Bren,” he said softly, clicking his computer shut and putting it on the table before getting up to pick up Bronx.

“I do…..I only wish it didn’t hurt so much.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Spencer had gone with Ashlee, Pete and Bronx into LA, leaving me with some desperately needed time alone. It was mostly so Spencer and Pete could come up with a strategy for us and yet part of me was still panicking that I was going to do this alone.

I spent half an hour pacing back and forth on the balcony with my sidekick in hand until I finally made myself stop and press Ryan’s number on speed dial. I’d wanted to do it face to face, to make it more personal and see his reaction, but Pete pointed out I’d never get the words out. It felt like the cowards way out, but I needed to do this.

I paused as it rung ad screwed my eyes closed praying it went to voicemail.

_Ring ring_

Please god I’m begging you just this once.

_Ring ring_

I’ll go back to church for a year...

_Ring ring_

...I’ll never use your name in vain again...

_Ring ring_

**...Please.**

_“Hi you’ve reached Ryan’s phone. Sorry I can’t take your call right now but please leave a message and I’ll get back to you. Thanks.”_

I breathed a sigh of relief and tried not to let myself give in at the sound of his beautiful voice, to not think of his lips and how they felt kissing me. No Brendon….NO! I swallowed nervously when the beep came and looked out over the valley, hoping it would help me to find the words.

“Hey Ryan, it’s me - which you’re probably expecting after that shitty stunt you pulled which I know was you. Thought you should know Pete told me the truth, something which you obviously don’t know how to do. I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this from me.  
Still, I thought you should know it’s done. I would have come back to Vegas to tell you but Pete persuaded me and Spencer to stay while we sort out replacements. But that isn’t the reason I called, because apparently you’d been expecting this to happen. No, I’m here to speak from the heart without your objections and rolling eyes. You fucking hurt me so much Ryan. Yet every time I’d find myself giving in because I needed you, I loved you and fooled myself into believing you felt the same way. Guess I shouldn’t have wasted my time.  
Fuck you for using me this way, I hope you and your bitch have a good time together because this is the last you’ll hear from me. Goodbye and good riddance, Ryan I don’t even recognize you anymore.”

It felt such a relief to have that off my shoulders, and while I knew I would have felt better seeing the expression on his face, I had a feeling he wouldn’t have held back. I hung up and leaned against the balcony, grinning to myself. 

A new chapter was closed and I couldn’t wait for the next one to begin.

Fin.


End file.
